I’m a faithful doubter

A day after Aaron and I launched this website, I was sitting in a meeting being told I wouldn't have a job come September. It seemed ironic to me. Thursday was filled with messages from loved ones, friends and even people Aaron and I hadn't spoken with in a long time telling us how much they loved the podcast, website, and message. I felt so encouraged, then in a blink of an eye, I felt so deflated.

When a traumatic life event happens I think you start to question things. For me, I began to ask why? I think most people do. Why me? Why now? Just when I was going to have stability with my husband; we hadn't been living in the same city, but come September he was moving to Lexington, where I was. Why was this happening? And then something funny happened, my why turned into a how. How could God let this happen? I've been faithful and true. I volunteer and help people, how can this happen to me?

I'm sure most of us have asked questions like this before, especially when bad things happen. When we lose jobs or loved ones, when we feel powerless to this outside force that sweeps through our lives like a tornado. I know I do. Asking these questions does nothing to actually help my situation, but I think it's part of processing. I think in some Christian circles people are made to feel ashamed to ask those questions or to question God. I want to remind you that it's normal and okay to be scared, nervous and worried when something bad happens. I can know the Truth, but still be scared. I can question why things are happening and still know that His Word tells me in all things God works for the good of those who love him. I can believe the Word, be faithful and still have doubts.

I'm not sure I've fully processed everything I've gone through. I'll probably keep asking questions. Some days and some moments are better than others, but I'm trying to understand what I can learn from this hurtful experience, and how I can take that knowledge with me and into the world to be used for good.

I think sometimes bad things happen to good people, but good people take the bad and use it for good. I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of lemonade I can make out of this situation.

3 thoughts on “I’m a faithful doubter”

  1. My dear Kailey…know how you feel…walked in your shoes a few years ago. Here’s my story. After 10 years at a job I loved one day I was brought into the office to be told that my job was being eliminated and and volunteers were going to be used to accomplish my job duties. Needless to say I was shocked (I was employed as a church secretary & bookkeeper) and experienced all the emotions of WHY and then HOW could you let this happen God. It didn’t take me long to center myself in knowing that God surely had something better for me but what? After 2 month of searching, the perfect job came along. I am now back in church work, being paid more money, better benefits and a lot less stress.
    When I look back on that experience, I had no idea that my job was going to be taken away but God did and he had everything under control even when I didn’t see it. Moral of the story…trust God! He ALWAYS has your back!!! Love ya lots.

  2. I love this article. The harsh reality is bad things are going to happen to everyone, both good and bad people. I think it’s important to understand and acknowledge this indisputable truth. The real test of character is how he/she responds to it. Whether they are defeated or rise up against this test of character.

    Mike Krzyzewski, coach of the Duke University Basketball Team, would always sit his team down at the beginning of the season and explain to them how other teams are GOING to have big runs against them. He would explain that at some point a team will score 10, 15, or 20 unanswered points in a row, and really strain their moral. It is essential, however for them to recognize this and not let their spirit be broken. They must remain strong and understand that bad things (not necessarily under their control) will happen, and it is crucial for them to not let this affect them. They must remain mentally strong and confident in their ability and in the ability of their teammates to get the job done. Once you accept that bad things will happen, you focus less on the “Why did this happen to me?” and you start to focus on the “How can I use this to make me stronger”, “What lessons can I learn from this”, or “What can I do better next time”. And the more you experience these hardships, the better you get at dealing with them and making a delicious lemonade.

    Ultimately there will be pain. There will be suffering. Bad things will happen. The true test of character is accepting this and learning how to respond to it. One must use this as a motivator / learning experience, rather than indulge in self pity. Ray Dalio, owner of the largest hedge fund in the world, always says that he attributes his success to painful experiences and reflecting upon them after the fact. Pain plus reflection equals progress. There can be no progress without the occurrence of pain. I am so sorry to hear about your job, however I have no doubt that this will make you smarter, stronger and move you one step closer to your ultimate goal. Always my girl, love you Kay.

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