A day after Aaron and I launched this website, I was sitting in a meeting being told I wouldn't have a job come September. It seemed ironic to me. Thursday was filled with messages from loved ones, friends and even people Aaron and I hadn't spoken with in a long time telling us how much they loved the podcast, website, and message. I felt so encouraged, then in a blink of an eye, I felt so deflated.
When a traumatic life event happens I think you start to question things. For me, I began to ask why? I think most people do. Why me? Why now? Just when I was going to have stability with my husband; we hadn't been living in the same city, but come September he was moving to Lexington, where I was. Why was this happening? And then something funny happened, my why turned into a how. How could God let this happen? I've been faithful and true. I volunteer and help people, how can this happen to me?
I'm sure most of us have asked questions like this before, especially when bad things happen. When we lose jobs or loved ones, when we feel powerless to this outside force that sweeps through our lives like a tornado. I know I do. Asking these questions does nothing to actually help my situation, but I think it's part of processing. I think in some Christian circles people are made to feel ashamed to ask those questions or to question God. I want to remind you that it's normal and okay to be scared, nervous and worried when something bad happens. I can know the Truth, but still be scared. I can question why things are happening and still know that His Word tells me in all things God works for the good of those who love him. I can believe the Word, be faithful and still have doubts.
I'm not sure I've fully processed everything I've gone through. I'll probably keep asking questions. Some days and some moments are better than others, but I'm trying to understand what I can learn from this hurtful experience, and how I can take that knowledge with me and into the world to be used for good.
I think sometimes bad things happen to good people, but good people take the bad and use it for good. I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of lemonade I can make out of this situation.